Philosophers You Have Never Heard Of (Special Edition)

The Martyr of Authenticity

Kurt Cobain died thirty years ago on April 5, 1994 at 27 years of age. It was ruled death by suicide with fresh injection marks in both arms and a fatal wound to the head from the 20-gauge shotgun found between his knees in the attic over his garage. Cobain’s body had been found to contain high traces of heroin and Valium when he died. His suicide note read, “I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.”

For six days in April of 1994, Kurt Cobain was missing. One day after Cobain’s rock-star wife, Courtney Love, filed a Missing Person Report stating that Cobain was possibly suicidal and in possession of a gun, his body was found by an electrician inspecting lighting on Cobain’s property. Cobain had long suffered from clinical depression, having been diagnosed with it in high school.

For decades, the government kept a file on conspiracy theories about Cobain’s death. The FBI released two letters it received from recipients whose names have been redacted and who called for an FBI investigation into Cobain’s death. Rolling Stone first reported about the unearthed documents, which span 10 pages. One letter, an email with no subject, was sent in 2013 to the FBI's Seattle office, which in part read:

“Dear whoever it may concern, I believe a great injustice might have been committed in the case of Kurt Cobain. The official story from the Seattle police department is that he took his own life, however there are a lot of unanswered questions and inconsistencies with this. I feel information has gone ignored and suppressed long enough by the Seattle police and the media. I’m writing you in hopes for your help to press for a reexamination of Mr. Cobain's death. Millions of fans around the world would like to see the inconsistencies surrounding the death cleared up once and for all. It is sad to think that an injustice of this nature can be allowed in the United States.”

Cobain’s death was featured on an episode of Unsolved Mysteries and has also documented his theories about Cobain's death online.

Kurt Cobain, a philosopher?

Kurt Cobain is an American music icon, most known as the lead singer and guitarist of the American rock band Nirvana. He was heralded as a spokesman of Generation X and is widely recognized as one of the most influential alternative rock musicians. Cobain is shrouded in perplexity and mystique. He is a complicated, controversial and at times polarizing figure. I speak of Cobain as if he were still alive because thirty years later he remains immortal in the memories of his fans and postmortem cult following. His raw angst and cynicism resonated. He was the John Lennon of grunge.

Cobain and his music appealed to those who felt disaffected, disillusioned, little hope for the future, and little connection with the world that their parent’s generation had created. The eighties culture of greed and materialism had left a generation emotionally and spiritually vacant.

Kurt Cobain and his music ushered in a new era of music that emphasized integrity, emotional honesty, and moral values. Their music awoke a whole generation and gave them someone and something to connect with - somebody who represented honest, human qualities. He did not act with ego, he was humble, kind hearted, sensitive, and millions of 'kids' from around the world connected with him in a way that is extremely rare, to the point where when he killed himself there were copycat suicides.

It is difficult to overstate just how much of an impact Kurt Cobain had on millions of kids around the world. He literally changed their lives, and whilst he spoke of no overt spiritual message, he somehow expressed a profound message about life, not so much through his actions, but through his being. He was incredibly charismatic and magnetic. It is hard to describe his impact, for many he was revered as a religious figure, and his legend and continuing impact on our culture seems only to have increased with time.

There are very few human beings who have had the positive impact that Kurt Cobain has had on millions around the world. He made it a positive thing to be a good human being, a caring human being, a socially aware human being, someone of integrity. Cobain wrote, “The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.”

So how is it that I would include Kurt Cobain in this series, “Philosophers You Have Never Heard Of”? It’s not like you’re gonna google the greatest philosophers and start working down the list - Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche …. Cobain.

No, Cobain did not earn a degree in philosophy. Two weeks prior to graduation, he dropped out of Aberdeen High School upon realizing that he did not have enough credits to graduate. He never wrote a book about philosophy, but his personal journals were published in 2003.

The word philosophy comes from the Ancient Greek words φίλος (philos) 'love' and σοφία (sophia) 'wisdom'. Philosophy is the love of wisdom, and despite the mixed opinions about the legacy of Kurt Cobain, many of the things he said and lyrics he wrote caused me to rethink some of my answers to matters of ultimate significance. I mean no disrespect to those who have devoted their academic and scholarly work and professional career in the field of philosophy. I’m not saying we should put Descartes and Cobain on the same list. Socrates wrote, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Cobain inspired me to examine mine more vigorously.

Who Was Kurt Cobain

Cobain, the Musician

It’s difficult to quantify Kurt Cobain’s impact on music.

Kurt Donald Cobain was born at Grays Harbor Hospital in Aberdeen, Washington, on February 20, 1967, the son of waitress Wendy Elizabeth and car mechanic Donald Leland Cobain. Cobain had Dutch, English, French, German, Irish, and Scottish ancestry.

Cobain’s family had a musical background. His maternal uncle, Chuck Fradenburg, played in a band called the Beachcombers; his aunt, Mari Earle, played guitar and performed in bands. When Cobain was nine years old, his parents divorced. He later said the divorce had a profound effect on his life, and his mother noted that his personality changed dramatically; Cobain became defiant and withdrawn.

Cobain’s teenage rebellion quickly became overwhelming for his father who placed him in the care of family and friends. While living with a born-again Christian family, Cobain became a devout Christian and attended church services regularly. He later renounced Christianity, and was largely considered an atheist.

Cobain’s flirtation with Christianity didn’t last long, but his contact with the local church had one benefit - it was here that Cobain met future Nirvana bassist, Krist Novoselic. Novoselic agreed to join Cobain, forming the beginnings of Nirvana. Religion appeared to remain a significant muse to Cobain during this time as he often used Christian imagery in his work and developed an interest in Jainism and Buddhist philosophy.

When Kurt Cobain and his band became popular in September 1991 it came from nowhere. There was no expectation for the band to be a success, but from literally being nobodies in September 1991 they were the biggest band in the world by Christmas and knocked Michael Jackson off number one in the following January. Their success was so rapid that Kurt was still living in his car when his band were number one.

With Nevermind’s lead single, “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, Nirvana quickly entered the mainstream, popularizing a subgenre of alternative rock called “grunge”. Nirvana is one of the best-selling bands of all time, having sold more than 75 million records worldwide. During their three years as a mainstream act, Nirvana received many awards, including an American Music Award, Brit Award, and Grammy Award, as well as seven MTV Video Music Awards and two NME Awards. Most recently in 2023 , they received the Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award. They achieved five number-one hits on the Billboard Alternative Songs chart and four number-one albums on the Billboard 200. In 2004, Rolling Stone named Nirvana among the 100 greatest artists of all time. They were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in their first year of eligibility in 2014.

Nirvana’s top singles, voted by fans are:

• Lithium

• Smells Like Teen Spirit

• Heart-Shaped Box

• Come As You Are

• Drain You

The success of Nevermind provided numerous Seattle bands, such as Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden, access to wider audiences. As a result, alternative rock became a dominant genre on radio and music television in the U.S. during the first half of the 1990s. Nirvana was considered the flagship band of Generation X. Cobain was reluctantly anointed by the media as the generation’s “spokesman.” He resented this characterization since he believed his artistic message was misinterpreted by the public.

Cobain’s genuine and raw performances resonated with audiences, connecting with them on an emotional level. His introspective and poetic lyrics, often exploring themes of angst, alienation, and vulnerability, captured the hearts and minds of listeners, establishing him as a voice for a generation. As the frontman of Nirvana, Cobain played a pivotal role in shaping the grunge movement, bringing a new and distinctive sound to rock music that captivated a global audience. He became a symbol of the counterculture and youth rebellion of the 1990s, representing a rejection of societal norms and a search for authenticity.

Cobain’s musical career wasn’t without consequences. He wrote:

“My body is damaged from music in two ways. I have a red irritation in my stomach. It's psychosomatic, caused by all the anger and the screaming. I have scoliosis, where the curvature of your spine is bent, and the weight of my guitar has made it worse. I'm always in pain, and that adds to the anger in our music.”

Cobain was Nirvana’s chief songwriter, wrote all their lyrics and almost all of their music. Cobain said Nirvana settled on that name because he wanted a more “beautiful” or “friendly” name, as opposed to the harsh names of punk or alternative rock bands at the time (i.e. Angry Samoans). Though Cobain was fond of Buddhism, it is unknow if this factored into the name. Before they became Nirvana, the band were known as Skid Row, Fecal Matter and Ted Ed Fred. Following the death of Cobain, Nirvana disbanded. In 1994, Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl founded a new band, Foo Fighters.

Kurt was outspoken on gay rights, homophobia and sexism. He was considered by many to be a feminist. The band were ahead of their time in attitudes towards inclusivity. He once said he wished he'd been gay, just to annoy homophobes, and often wore dresses to protest against sexism. “Wearing a dress shows I can be as feminine as I want,” he told the LA Times, in a jab at the macho undercurrents he detested in rock. He said, “I'm a heterosexual, big deal. But if I was a homosexual, it wouldn't matter either.” He admitted to spray-painting cars with “God is gay” and was once arrested for graffitiing by police in Aberdeen, Washington State.

Cobain, the Tortured Soul

Kurt Cobain was born in 1967. His childhood and adolescence was traumatic. At age seven, Cobain was diagnosed as hyperactive and prescribed Ritalin. When Cobain was nine years old, his parents divorced. Cobain’s mother soon dated a man who was abusive. Cobain witnessed the domestic violence inflicted upon her, with one incident resulting in her being hospitalized with a broken arm. Cobain’s mother granted full custody to his father. Cobain's teenage rebellion quickly became overwhelming for his father who placed him in the care of family and friends.

From the age of fifteen until the age of twenty he barely stayed a year at any address, living more or less a nomadic existence. There are nine definite homes in which he lived during that phase and one period where, at best, it could be said he was a guest of various relatives and relations.

Struggling with the unregulated emotions of a teenager, Kurt soon turned to drugs and alcohol to numb his heartache. His first known exposure to drugs came in 1974 when he was only seven years old and diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Kurt was prescribed Ritalin for the condition. Cobain’s widow, Courtney Love, believed that this drug led to his later abuse of stronger drugs.

During his all too short life, Cobain struggled with physical illness, poverty, undiagnosed depression, a broken family, and the crippling isolation and loneliness brought on by drug addiction. Beyond this, Kurt Cobain’s family history includes several deaths by suicide. Cobain had two uncles who killed themselves using guns. There have also been disputed and unsubstantiated reports that Kurt had attempted suicide during his early teens.

Cobain may have shunned the idea of fame and fortune but like many struggling young musicians of his time coming up in the blue collar, working class suburbs of Aberdeen and Tacoma Washington State, being on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine was life-changing.

Kurt was reportedly diagnosed with Bipolar disorder — it has the same characteristics as major clinical depression, but with manic mood swings. As Kurt undoubtedly knew, his bipolar illness would become increasingly difficult to manage.

Kurt Cobain first experimented with heroin in 1987, using the drug recreationally in combination with other addictive substances. By the fall of 1991 his relationship with heroin deepened. Cobain had expressed in writing at the time he was on the brink of worldwide fame that he turned to daily use of heroin to cope with a severe and chronic stomach condition. He claimed that the pain was so bad it had made him think of ending his life and that heavy opiates were the only way he found of alleviating this pain.

It’s important to know that Cobain didn’t encourage drug usage. He wrote:

“Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with with your self-esteem. They're no good at all.”

After abusing opioids for many years, Cobain finally engaged with treatment in the summer of 1992. He enrolled in a 60-day intensive detox program at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles aimed at helping people move beyond heroin withdrawal. 

The combination of these factors – a family history of mental illness, personal battles with depression, anxiety, and bipolar, and the pressures and stresses associated with global fame – can create a fertile ground for suicidal ideation. Both the manic and depressive episodes of bipolar, especially when partnered with substance abuse, can impair judgment and provoke destabilizing mood swings.

The 1994 Nirvana European tour was a disaster. Kurt Cobain’s drug use was accelerating, and he arrived for every show drunk and high on a variety of substances. In Germany on March 1, the band played its last complete live show. On March 4, Cobain survived an overdose combination of alcohol and Rohypnol in a hotel room in Rome.

On March 18, police had to be called to the Cobain residence in Seattle for a domestic disturbance. Cobain’s wife, Hole lead singer Courtney Love, told police that her husband had locked himself in the bathroom with a gun and was threatening to end his life by suicide. During an April 1 phone call, Kurt told Courtney Love, who was on tour with Hole: “Courtney, no matter what happens, I want you to know that you made a really good record. Just remember, no matter what, I love you.” This was the last conversation the pair would ever have.

The next day, Kurt Cobain secretly checked out of his rehab clinic and disappeared. Just before 9 a.m. on April 8, an electrician looked through the greenhouse window at the Cobain home and saw the 27-year-old singer dead on the floor. Help came too late for Kurt Cobain, who spent most of his life struggling with drug abuse and depression. His tragic suicide cut short not only his profound music career, but also his relationship with daughter, Frances Bean, and marriage to Courtney Love. 

Cobain family, and Frances Bean

My Personal Regrets and Redress

Writing an article on Kurt Cobain is maddening. How could I possibly do justice to the musical brilliance of Cobain, the legend of Nirvana, or adequately even skim the surface on the complexities of Cobain’s traumatic childhood and youth, drug addiction, and mental health disorders? I can’t.

Despite his fame, there are those who would simply write off Cobain as a drug addict who killed himself, and be offput by my giving him such high regard. I get it. Perhaps he’s not the role model one might choose for their children.

My best friend in high school, Michael Smith, killed himself. Michael was an extraordinarily gifted guitarist. I heard him several times play the Jimi Hendrix Star Spangled Banner… perfectly. Michael’s father died unexpectedly of a heart attack, and his older brother a year later died by suicide. Every day after school Michael would return home, descend into his dark basement, listen to music, plug in his amplifier and practice guitar for hours, drink alcohol, and pass out. Mrs. Smith would often call me, sometimes in the middle of the night, and ask if I’d come over to sit with Michael. He battled depression and when he went to his dark place, he would only talk to me.

One night Michael decided to add drugs to the alcohol, and never woke up. There are some memories you carry inside you like pieces of broken glass. I’ll never forget Mrs. Smith’s voice on the phone when she called to inform me in tears of anguish that Michael was dead. I often wonder if I could have been a better friend or tried harder to convince him to get help. The world will always have a void because Michael isn’t here. I still miss him.

There are over 800,000 deaths by suicide every year. Over 80% are men. One male dies by suicide every 13.7 minutes in the U.S. In recent years, there has been a steady increase in the number of men who end their own lives prematurely through suicide. Men must learn that being strong means prioritizing their mental health, and seeking the help and support they need. 988 is now the three-digit dialing code that routes callers to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

It hurts my heart that some people so quickly condemn Cobain as nothing more than a degenerate druggie. No child says, “I hope some day I grow up and become clinically depressed, swallowed whole be emotional pain, addicted to drugs, and take my life.”

Emilie Autumn wrote, “You are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain.” I tend to think of Kurt Cobain in these terms. He once wrote, “There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad.” Additionally he said, “If my eyes could show my soul, everyone would cry when they saw me smile.”

To learn more about the life of Kurt Cobain, these autobiographies are useful:

• Heavier Than Heaven: A Biography of Kurt Cobain by Charles R. Cross

• Serving the Servant: Remembering Kurt Cobain by Danny Goldberg

• Nirvana: The Biography by Everett True

• Love & Death: The Murder of Kurt Cobain by Max Wallace

For Nirvana music fans needing a fix, this 30th Anniversary Deluxe Edition Box Set may be of interest.

Kurt Cobain, Martyr of Authenticity

There are three things that Kurt Cobain said, which made me think more deeply about my own life.

“They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.”

“I was tired of pretending that I was someone else just to get along with people.”

“I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.”

Perhaps Kurt Cobain was a martyr of authenticity. In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown wrote, “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” This was Cobain - honest. real.

“Authenticity” is a buzzword these days, and has become a sort of Holy Grail or personal development. But what is “authenticity” exactly?

Authenticity is being faithful to your inner self rather than an external code. Authenticity is the degree to which we are true to our own nature, personality, heart, spirit, values, character and commitments, despite external pressures. Shakespeare wrote, “To thine own self be true.”

The journey of being an authentic person involves the resolve to stop pleasing others at the expense of your own integrity of self. Oscar Wilde wrote, “It is tragic how few people ever possess their souls before they die. Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”

I read in an article about Cobain, “Kurt Cobain was probably the last person who was true to his guts that we saw in popular culture.” He vehemently resisted selling-out” He wrote, “The worst crime is faking it.”

Ray Bradbury’s novel Fahrenheit 451, Bradbury creates a world where living against the mainstream becomes a punishable offence. In this society, Firemen burn books and houses where books are kept, in order to show the population that differing ideas and conflicting opinions are to blame for the destruction of serenity, peace, and happiness.

Cobain wrote:

“Punk is musical freedom. It’s saying, doing and playing what you want. In Webster’s terms, ‘nirvana’ means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world, and that’s pretty close to my definition of Punk Rock.”

How does one become more authentic? A few guideposts might be:

• Becoming more aware of your self-talk or mental commentary about yourself and your life

• Questioning the ideas, beliefs, mindsets, narratives, stories, and ideologies that are influencing you

• Taking responsibility for your own happiness, well-being and personal growth and development

• Outgrowing yourself and the definitions and expectations that have defined you

• Discarding the mask, and being a more real, authentic and human person

• Honoring what most matters to you about life and your own inner guidance, deep feelings and intuition

• Offering yourself acceptance, love, compassion and patience

• Choosing not to remain actively connected to toxic people or those who judge, shame, control or bully you

• Practicing the self-care that promotes and rejuvenates your vitality, energy, wellness

• Inhabiting your uniqueness and expressing it freely and authentically

Some useful questions might be:

1. Who is the person I am being in my life and showing the world, and how much of that person is the truth of who I really am?

2. How am I using my public persona to hide my authentic self, and why do I feel the need to hide it?

3. Do I feel a cognitive dissonance in my life between the person I perform in the world, and the person I connect with more deeply inside myself?

4. What would it look like for me to take off the mask, and live more authentically?

Nirvana connected with Gen X because of their subversive moxie. The video for Nevermind’s fourth single, “In Bloom”, depicts the band’s attitude through a brilliant parody, mocking the hype it was receiving together with conventional ideals of the celebrity and rock hero.

The video starts with the band – dressed in sharp, 50s-style rock’n’roll suits and Buddy Holly glasses – playing on an Ed Sullivan-esque soundstage to screaming teenybopper fans. As the track progresses, however, the clip is cut with images of band members dressed in lingerie, dancing salaciously through Cobain’s lethargic solo, before destroying the set with their instruments. Finally, in a dark portending of the corporate media’s embrace and assimilation of the grunge scene, the show host – like the media machine throughout Nirvana’s career – simply smiles and applauds, blind to his own hollowness in the face of the Real forcing its way to the surface.

I realize the above video may be difficult for those who are not a fan of this kind of music. And I’m pretty sure that the faculty in University of Oxford’s philosophy department is not requiring the viewing of this video in their undergrad classes.

However, as I pointed out in my article on Simone de Beauvoir, challenging the social constructions of personal identity have long been an interest of philosophy. For example, Beauvoir’s The Second Sex gave us the vocabulary for analyzing the social constructions of femininity and a method for critiquing these constructions. The theory of social constructionism posits that much of what individuals perceive as “reality” is actually the outcome of a dynamic process of construction influenced by social conventions and structures.

• What does it mean for a person to be a human being?

• What does it mean for someone to be a man or woman?

• What does it mean for someone to be an American or Russian?

• What does it mean for someone to be a success or failure?

• What does it mean for someone to be a Christian or Atheist?

• What does it mean to be conservative or liberal?

What does it mean, or more importantly, who decided? How much of our lives are being programmed by socially constructed beliefs, mindsets, attitudes, narratives and ideologies? I discussed these kinds of questions in greater detail in my article on Michel Foucault.

This issue of “authenticity” often comes up in my work with people who have been damaged by and left toxic religion. “Self-denial” is often the calling card of traditional Christianity. A popular Christian phrase is, “More of Him, less of me.”

I can’t tell you how much that above “Christian” saying has damaged the lives of many people I have counseled over the years.

True spirituality is never the...

• repudiation of your humanity

• suppression of your feelings

• liquidation of your individuality

• vilification of your intellect

• nullification of self-care

A common religious pathology is a twisted understanding of “self denial.” Bible verses often used include the words of Jesus, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself.”

Let’s start with how the concept of “self-denial” is hijacked by religion in a destructive way.

The religious understanding of “self-denial” is based on the false notion that our humanity and natural desires are bad, and must be denied to be right with God. Being devoted to God means forsaking your “carnal” appetites, and surrendering to whatever the church leader determines is “godly”.

The whole notion of denying yourself to please others, including God, is misguided. Is it any wonder that codependency is so widespread in human relationships when it’s the underlying premise of our relationship with God – deny yourself in order to make God happy.

Of course, temperance, self-restraint and self-sacrifice can be worthwhile virtues when practiced in a healthy way, but “pick up your cross and follow me” should never mean killing off your needs, desires, and individuality to please someone else, even God.

Religion did a disservice to many people by misteaching the idea of “self-denial.” In the name of “God,” people have rejected and disowned themselves - their own inner thoughts and deep feelings, their humanity, their individuality, and their personality.

There is a healthy application of entitlement.

You are entitled to...

• acknowledge and honor your needs and desires

• live a life of authentic and free self-expression

• practice self-care

• say yes

• say no

You are entitled to...

• your thoughts

• your feelings

• your body

• your desires

• your needs

• your gifts

• your boundaries

• your choices

• your dreams

• your spirituality

• your doubts

• your questions

• your personality

• your questions

• your beliefs

• your goals

• your mistakes

• your intuition

• your nonconformity

• your defiance

• your passion

Consider the possibility that there is an aspect of “entitlement” that extends to every human being in the form of what we call “human rights.” They are the inalienable, fundamental rights to which a person is inherently entitled simply because she or he is a human being and which are inherent in all human beings, regardless of their nation, location, language, religion, ethnic origin or any other status. There is an individual and collective dimension to “entitlement” - fully embracing those aspects of healthy entitlement for yourself, and being committed to human rights for all people. Kurt Cobain was an outspoken figure when it came to equally applying the right to self-determination to all people, despite one’s gender, race, ethnicity and sexual orientation.

Kurt Cobain, Abraham Maslow, Carl Jung and Emmanuel Kant Walked into a Bar

American psychologist Abraham Maslow created the Hierarchy of Needs as a theory of the needs and desires that apply universally to all human beings. Maslow identified “self-actualization” as one of the highest human aspirations. Self-actualization to become actualized in what one is potentially. It is the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming.

Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology, Carl Jung, spoke of this in terms of the “individuation” process. Individuation is the process by which an individual becomes distinct. Individuation distinguishes you from everybody else. This involves divesting the self of its false wrappings of the persona, the mask the personality uses to confront the world. Individuation is the process of separating from the “collective”—including one’s parents and cultural norms—to become a unique individual.

Kurt Cobain wrote, “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

This process of self-actualization and individuation often includes:

• Dissatisfaction with the way it's “supposed to be”

• Intolerance of inauthenticity

• Casting off of rules, regulations, and restrictions

• Resurgence of individuality

• Freedom of self-expression

• Deprogramming of false beliefs and mindsets

• Grounded in one's own inner truth and guidance

• Refusal to conform

• Disdain for superficiality

Oscar Wilde wrote:

“Disobedience, in the eyes of any one who has read history, is man’s original virtue. It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion.”

You see Kurt Cobain here, right?

The externally-authored life is a life that is defined, governed and determined by external sources, which could include: religious indoctrination; social conditioning; inherited roles and scripts; imposed pressures, demands and expectations of others. The internally-authored life is a life that is generated from within yourself, and is based upon the use of the tools and competencies available naturally as a human being, such: as reason; intentionality; critical thinking; proactivity; virtue; and freedom of choice.

This is often referred to as “agency” or “human agency”. An “agent” is a being with the capacity to act, and “agency” denotes the exercise or manifestation of this capacity. Human beings come into the world with consciousness, self-awareness, freedom and agency, which endows us with the opportunity and responsibility to create what we become.

German philosopher Emmanuel Kant defined both the Enlightenment and its chief ideal: the conception of the self as rational, responsible and self-determining. He wrote:

“Enlightenment is man’s release from his self-incurred tutelage. Tutelage is man’s inability to make use of his understanding without direction from another. Self-incurred is this tutelage when its cause lies not in lack of reason but in lack of resolution and courage to use it without direction from another. Sapere aude! Have courage to use your own reason! That is the motto of enlightenment.”

In existential philosophy, the concept of “existence precedes essence” is that there is not an essence, nature or blueprint that we are born with that determines or dictates what we become. We simply exist, and what we become is the result of the actions, decisions and choices we make. A related concept is “facticity and transcendence”, which states that at every moment we exist within the tension of the facts of our current self and situation, and all the possibilities available to us on the basis of our responses, choices, actions and decisions.

As the martyr of authenticity, Kurt Cobain lived a life that is difficult to understand. You really can’t make sense of him. I think it’s because we’re not supposed to. He once wrote, “Please read my diary, look through my things and figure me out.” “Nirvana” means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. Cobain discovered that true self-actualization and the individuation process isn’t for the faint of heart, suffering is involved, and it just might kill you. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Jesus was killed for being who he was. Cobain killed himself. I’m not trying to compare the two. Authenticity has a price. The problem here might be how flimsy and cliché the word “authentic” has become.

Jesus was no saint. The story we have about him is Jesus defying the legitimacy and authority of the dominant religious system and its ecclesiastical hierarchy. His noncompliance and anarchist spirit was a threat to the Roman government. Jesus was not a figure of religion. Jesus was an iconoclast. To the Romans, he was a radical – a religious fanatic who would no doubt try to overturn their social order if allowed to gain too many followers.

Jesus was not crucified for his beliefs but for his actions. People often envision Jesus as someone tiptoeing around in a flowing robe, speaking softly, patting children on the head and carrying a baby lamb in his arms. But the real Jesus of history was a lightning rod. He got angry. He was the greatest desacralizer of religious hierarchies and traditions this world has ever seen. The religious establishment hurriedly condemned him to death for blasphemy, while the secular powers executed him for sedition. I write about the defiant authenticity of Jesus in Inner Anarchy.

Again, I’m not trying to make Kurt Cobain into Jesus. I’m just saying that it takes courage to be who you really are.

In Summary

• You can’t fully figure out Kurt Cobain, because we’re not supposed to.

• Writing off Kurt Cobain as a loser junkie is missing the value of who he was and his continuing legacy.

• Kurt Cobain’s life was a beautiful letdown, and the letdown is how short he lived.

• The process of self-actualization requires unflinching authenticity.

• I miss my high school friend Michael Smith.

Special Note: I am grateful to all my subscribers and followers. My paid subscribers are instrumental in supporting my work as a writer. This article was meant to be my weekly offering to paid subscribers. But because I think Kurt Cobain might object, I decided to make it available to everyone. Thank you for subscribing to my online articles.

I'm not like them, but I can pretend
The sun is gone, but I have a light
The day is done, but I'm havin' fun
I think I'm dumb

Or maybe just happy

- Nirvana, Dumb